A Mexican from Friona found himself in Houston and decided to approach a prostitute down on lower Oppenheimer.
He asked her, "How much do you charge for the hour?"
"$100," she replied.
"Do you do Messican-style?" he asked.
Not knowing exactly what this was, she refused.
He tried to sweeten the deal and said, "I'll pay you $300 to do it
Messiccan-style."
Again she declined.
Being the persistent type, he laid down a final offer. "I'll give you $500 to go Messican-style with me! What do you say?"
Finally, she agrees, thinking, "Well I've been in the game for over ten years now. I've been there and done that, and had every kind of request from weirdoes from all over the world. How kinky could Messican-style be?"
After an hour of every possible way and position, she turned to him and said, "That was fantastic, but I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. Where does the 'Messican-style' come in?"
The Mexican popped a can of beer and replied, "I pay you next Friday when I get my check."
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2004 G35 Coupe|5AT| Brilliant Silver|Graphite Leather|Premium|Perfomance|Aero| My \"G\"
A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a
woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store
operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper
ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor,
or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down
except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have
jobs.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and
are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs,
love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have
jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a
strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign
reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men
on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible
to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
************************************************** *****
A new wives store opened across the street. It also has six floors.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The third through sixth floors have never been visited.
__________________
2004 LR coupe/z-tube with K&N /19\' HP wheels w/ toyos
1. You are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy who Died from Eating His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers, and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-it Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy was so Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats go to Hell
10 The Little Sissy who Snitched
11.Some Kittens Can Fly
12.Thats it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
13.Grandpa Gets a Casket
14.The Magic World inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15.Garfield gets Feline Leukemia
16.The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy
17.Strangers Have the Best Candy
18.Whining, Kicking, and Crying to Get Your Way
19.You Were an Accident
20.Things Rich Kids Have, but You Never Will
21.Pop! Goes the Hamster- And Other Great Microwave Games
22.The Man on the Moon is Actually Satan
23.Your Nightmares are Real
24.Where Would you Like to be Buried?
25.Eggs, Toilet Paper and Your School
26.Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet be Friends?
27.Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28.Daddy Drinks because You Cry
REJECTED DR. SEUSS BOOKS-
1. One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, You Bitch
2. Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbet
3. Fox in Detox
4. Who Shat in the Hat?
5. Horton Hires a Ho
__________________
Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns all clean ~ Maya Angelou
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. God works in Mysterious ways.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".
Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!"
The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police.... "
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women are clever, evil bitches. Don't mess with us.
my goodness, i dunno how 2 agree more..... wit that LAst line_
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got no smile and lack a lavish lifestyle but its cool cuz I came up hungry, jus a lil Latino tryin to make it and when I make it.. I promise the world wont lightly take it.
Senator Hillary Clinton was attending a party, when she noticed Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. She walked over to him, and in a quiet voice said, "If you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
Schwarzenegger smiled, leaned forward, and whispered in her ear, "and if you were my wife, I would drink it."
Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle. From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead
__________________
2004 G35 Coupe|5AT| Brilliant Silver|Graphite Leather|Premium|Perfomance|Aero| My \"G\"
Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following situation and question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.
You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?
Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor! Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to discuss with some friends over a latte and try to come to a consensus.
Trust me on this one - great ending! Brokeback Mountain!!!!
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she
decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."
.
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two oclock and no hired hand. He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
.
She quietly called him over to her.
.
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
.
Trembling, he did as she directed.
.
"Now take off my boots."
.
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
.
"Now take off my socks."
.
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
.
"Now take off my skirt."
.
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
.
"Now take off my bra."
.
Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the
floor.
.
Then she looked at him and said,
"If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
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2004 G35 Coupe|5AT| Brilliant Silver|Graphite Leather|Premium|Perfomance|Aero| My \"G\"
