When I broke up with my ex..his bestfriend took my side and said that my ex lost the best thing that ever happened to him. And in his view, I was the ideal girl...had my ex not met me first, he would of dated me instead. Did he care for me? Yes...and certainly more than a friend should.... And my ex knew how his bestfriend felt about me--- so when we broke up, he told me it was ok to date his bestfriend because he knows that his friend will never hurt me.... I slapped my ex for that comment. Yes his bestfriend is one of the sweetest guy in the world- and I love him in my own way because he's always been good to me...but that's a LINE I will never cross and he can't even if he wanted to. So we just remain friends. And the nice guy thing must be true for all guys with your name Ty..cuz his is also Tai.
That is just wrong in my opinion!!! this sounds like high school games. Out of curriousity, how old are you? I am only asking to make a theory here.
I have learned that yea girls are coniving and not straight forward and mind changing... and other stuff like that, but in the end... they need to get over themselves!!!!!! If you like someone and they like you back then QUIT QUESTIONING YOURSELF AND LOOKING FOR EXCUSES OUT!!!!
GO OUT with the person and see if there is a connection! I believe that there is fate, but it only takes you so far.... kind of to say that it will bring you to the door, but it is your job to open AND walk through the door.
Things did not work out with your boyfriend GP, sorry, this other guy likes you, if you like him THAN WHAT THE HELL IS THE PROBLEM???? how else are you supposed to meet people than through friends of friends????? and if you can't date any of them ----- shit then the entire human race is in trouble!!!!
I personally do not enjoy meeting girls in bars. So that leaves me the following options: 1)throught friends 2)online - mostly crazies or otherwise messed up people 3) through grandma this one is funny - my grandma is trying to hook me up with granddaughters of her friends - but that is probably another thread.
GO OUT WITH THAT GIRL - CAN BE JUST AS FRIENDS TO SEE IF THERE IS SOMETHING THERE OR NOT! TAKE A CHANCE.
I completely agree with you. Some people weren't meant to be together. It's not fair to deny yourself the chance at happiness just because your friend went out with someone before you did. I think you should talk to your ex. What if this new girl would make you happier than you have ever been before? Should you deny yourself that? I don't think so.
I agree and disagree at the same time. Yeah, I may be passing something good up, but with 6,000,000,000 people in the world why do I need to hurt her by dating her friend. I'm incredibly attracted to the girl and if something is meant to happen then it will, but I'm not going to force it and cause some soap opera drama on the off chance that she might be the one.
__________________ Willing is not enough, we must do. Knowing is not enough, we must apply.
--Bruce Lee
Are there really lines when it comes to love though? As adults, can't you at some point admit to yourself that things just did not, or will not, work out between you and another person and let that person go and be free to do, or date, who ever he/she wants to? Don't get me wrong, I understand GP and Irish's stance on this, but should there really be limitations on who we can date based on past relationships? Or can we possibly be mature enough as adults to be fine with someone else being more compatible with an ex, or a friend, then you were? Just some thoughts. I've learned through unfortunate life experiences that there may not be too many people out there that you're realy meant for. Don't think there's just one, but not too many. So as friends, I think we have to be a little tolerant of situations like these and just realize maybe someone else is better for the person we might have loved at some point. I know it's not easy, but should be the way it is in my mind.
Look, logic is logic, and what you are saying is completely logical- but emotions rarely work along these lines. i can logically realise that my jealously is misplaced, or illegitimate (I have no claim to someone), but it doesn't make me not feel it, only dictates how I express it (or don't ). Even if the friend recognises what you are saying, the feeling is likely still there, nothing you or she can do about that. And over time, no matter how nobly she ignores it, it will get the best of the friendship. So again, unless this is THE ONE, Why cause the pain?
I would subscribe to the "ask your friend what she thinks" concept. If you can't be open with her, there is little potential for a good friendship (or more). Besides, if she doesn't mind, you might get some good intel (maybe even a recommendation)
__________________
04 Coupe | DG/G | Prem | Perf
"Facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep walking"
I would subscribe to the "ask your friend what she thinks" concept. If you can't be open with her, there is little potential for a good friendship (or more). Besides, if she doesn't mind, you might get some good intel (maybe even a recommendation)
Naw, cause if she is a good friend, she will not want to get in the way of your happiness, and is unlikely to voice her own jealousy (especially if she herself is trying to pretend its not there). Brutal honestly is just not likely here, and there is no real right answer for her....
I agree and disagree at the same time. Yeah, I may be passing something good up, but with 6,000,000,000 people in the world why do I need to hurt her by dating her friend. I'm incredibly attracted to the girl and if something is meant to happen then it will, but I'm not going to force it and cause some soap opera drama on the off chance that she might be the one.
I would think this the case only if you were doing to hurt her. Which you obviously aren't. And I would hope she knows this or you're not as good of friends as you think you are.
__________________
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05 Hayabusa. Black and Silver,M4 exhaust. The G is fast, just not this fast.
That is just wrong in my opinion!!! this sounds like high school games. Out of curriousity, how old are you? I am only asking to make a theory here.
I have learned that yea girls are coniving and not straight forward and mind changing... and other stuff like that, but in the end... they need to get over themselves!!!!!! If you like someone and they like you back then QUIT QUESTIONING YOURSELF AND LOOKING FOR EXCUSES OUT!!!!
GO OUT with the person and see if there is a connection! I believe that there is fate, but it only takes you so far.... kind of to say that it will bring you to the door, but it is your job to open AND walk through the door.
Things did not work out with your boyfriend GP, sorry, this other guy likes you, if you like him THAN WHAT THE HELL IS THE PROBLEM???? how else are you supposed to meet people than through friends of friends????? and if you can't date any of them ----- shit then the entire human race is in trouble!!!!
I personally do not enjoy meeting girls in bars. So that leaves me the following options: 1)throught friends 2)online - mostly crazies or otherwise messed up people 3) through grandma this one is funny - my grandma is trying to hook me up with granddaughters of her friends - but that is probably another thread.
GO OUT WITH THAT GIRL - CAN BE JUST AS FRIENDS TO SEE IF THERE IS SOMETHING THERE OR NOT! TAKE A CHANCE.
I'm 26... wiser than girls my age... I've been in love and I've hurt. I don't expect to get back with my EX and even if I could, I wouldn't...things would never be the same..Getting back is just too much drama ( at least for me )
I see your point, but for me personally... that's his bestfriend. I am not worth their friendship ...even if he thinks so... So unless I know he's the ONE... I doubt I will ever risk the frienship I have with him. If I take a chance and it doesn't work out... I will have lost 2 friends...
And like Ty said...there's Millions of guys out there...plenty of nice ones too... I'm sure one of them will make me happy without all the drama entailed by getting with my ex's friend. Of course anything can happen but I honestly dont think I will ever be the one to initiate it.
And you're right I may be passing up a great guy...but I rather do that then risk losing his friendship if it doesn't work out.
Look, logic is logic, and what you are saying is completely logical- but emotions rarely work along these lines. i can logically realise that my jealously is misplaced, or illegitimate (I have no claim to someone), but it doesn't make me not feel it, only dictates how I express it (or don't ). Even if the friend recognises what you are saying, the feeling is likely still there, nothing you or she can do about that. And over time, no matter how nobly she ignores it, it will get the best of the friendship. So again, unless this is THE ONE, Why cause the pain?
I totally agree with Irish... Emotions are in a world of its own. What's Logical isn't always what's right. There is no doubt that his Ex will be hurt by this...hell I know I would.
Yes I understand the whole "being adults" concept...but we're all selfish and no one likes to give up what they have to someone else.... I'll come out and be blunt...if one of my friends actually wanted to date someone I'm seeing (off/on...or whatever) I'd be very upset with her... and may not be friends anymore. Because to me...there are millions of guys out there...why should you pick the one I'm seeing?
And even if they could be happy together...it would still be at my expense- do you really think that we can all be friends and be happily ever after- Highly Unlikely.
The best suggestion is to break away from your ex first.. you say it's off/on...so let it be OFF and stay that way... When she finds someone new... then it starts to be ok for you to date again and should it be her friend- it won't be so bad cuz your ex's already in a relationship herself..she cannot be upset ( at least she doesn't have much right ). That's my best advice... hope it works out.
If you dont have any more feelings for the dude/chick, then there shouldn't be a problem if your friends want to date them. Stop being greedy, and besides, they're getting your sloppy seconds....
GP, About a year ago.... I would have agreed with you. But now I find myself wondering what could have been if.... and that is not how I want to go through life anymore!!!
I am tired of wondering about what I could have done different and what would have happened. I belive (and this may be different for guys than girls) but a friend will be your friend no matter what - if he / she is your true friend.
Therefore - my new found life plan - involves basically GOING FOR IT. be it with relationships or anything that life tosses my way. - of'course we are talking about calculated risks here, still say no to swimming with the sharks
So far, I have found that living this way is way more rewarding - also no one has been hurt as they have in the past - and far less drama - surprisingly. But I also learned who my real friends are!!! <= very important to me.
Hey Ro-ro! You already know the answer to this question and that is to ask for permission. You are a black belt with emotional maturity and convo skills and as such you are capable of reaching areas in relationships with X and other women that others will never be able to see no matter what relative age they attain.
The reason you post this thread is because you know the sticky web is ahead of you rather than behind you and having been in this exact situation I gotta say that upcoming conversation with X is more than a bit of a bitch. But the outcome is inevitable given your skillset and most likely you have a pretty good idea what X is going to say. Oh, and also later if new girl dogs you and doesn't treat you like the catch that all of us women, your friends know you to be...it can be a little difficult when you go back to your X for support.
This thread reminds me how overcomplicated we make things in our youth. Now that I'm an old fart I realize that I way overthought many such a situation and found myself forgoing opportunities be they romantic or otherwise. I don't want to go back and relive the past with an "if I knew then what I know know" approach, but am glad for what I experienced.
Still, if we can release the egoic mind and not over-think every conceivable permutation of emotional consequence, we can enjoy life more fully. Follow your instincts, don't be willingly hurtful to anyone, but for goodness sakes don't assume the worst and second guess yourself tomorrow.
Human interaction and relationships are by definition complex. To even think you can plan the "right" thing to do is huberous. To not do something in fear of who you might impact (provided your intentions are good and you are not being a jerk) is paralysis.
__________________
04 Coupe | DG/G | Prem | Perf
"Facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep walking"
You need to take them both on Eliminadate. Then you can end up with the both of them at some nasty ass public spa.
I honestly think you already know what you want to do, but something is holding you back. Find the what's holding you back and deal with it. Then go on to a happy ending. Good luck.
__________________ Always outnumbered, never outgunned.
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Good luck.
