Swearing and potty talk: How to nip them in the bud
By Cynthia Gorney
Why 2-year-olds use bad language
Your wonderfully curious 2-year-old has acquired a new skill, one that's different and therefore exciting. Many times, a child's first swear word is the result of direct mimicry; perhaps she heard you blurt it out when another driver cut you off in traffic, and now she's repeating it endlessly in the back seat. Or maybe her best preschool buddy's just expanded his vocabulary and thought it funny to share a few choice words with her. Not surprisingly, potty training can also give rise to endless streams of scatological talk. In almost every case, you're watching a thoughtful experiment on your 2-year-old's part: "Here's something I heard, which people seem to say with a certain level of intensity or distaste. Let's see what happens when I say it!" No matter where this language comes from, though, it's never too early to teach your child that it isn't acceptable.
What to do about swearing and potty talk
Treat toileting matter-of-factly. If you wrinkle your nose every time you change your child's diaper or stage-whisper the common words for elimination, it's no wonder that your 2-year-old quickly latches on to the idea that bodily functions and the terms used to describe them are guaranteed attention-grabbers. Remind yourself that it's utterly normal for a 2-year-old who's in the process of potty training to be fascinated with her body (especially the parts that are usually covered by a diaper) and everything that comes out of it. If you don't attach too much significance to her fascination with potty talk, it has a better chance of passing (eventually!). Reading fun picture books like Everyone Poops, by Taro Gomi, and The Gas We Pass, by Shinta Cho, can also help de-emphasize the forbidden (and thus endlessly alluring) nature of these subjects.
Keep a poker face. When your child says a swear word or makes a reference to bodily functions, resist the urge to chuckle, which she'll take as wonderful reinforcement for doing it again. The ability to make adults laugh -- or angry or upset -- is enormously powerful when you're small. And even if it's entertaining to hear your wee one innocently invent new terms (such as "poopynose"), showing your amusement isn't in her best interests.
Substitute fun-but-clean alternatives. If your child's just trying a new word on for size or sing-songing it under her breath for the thrill, you can probably persuade her to substitute another exciting new word (try "abracadabra" or "shazzam") or a nursery rhyme. Or you could swap a similar-sounding goofy word for the inappropriate one -- snoopynose for poopynose, for example. If the problem is that she's short on acceptable words to express intense anger or frustration, it may help to encourage her to say loudly, "I'm mad" or "I'm frustrated." (The word "frustrated" is multisyllabic, but 2-year-olds get the meaning at once.)
Set limits. If your 2-year-old has latched on to a serious profanity or two, she needs you to set some guidelines. It's crucial to do this calmly -- without becoming agitated or mad -- otherwise, each time you blow up, you just remind her how much power she has to make you pay attention to her quickly. If it's a made-up word (such as "wee-wee-face"), tell her that there's no such thing and you don't understand what she's saying. For adult-variety swear words, don't explain what they mean or why they're unacceptable. Just make it clear, in a matter-of-fact and disinterested voice, which words are off-limits: "That's not a word you may use." ("We don't allow that kind of language" is too vague for a 2-year-old.)
Don't let swearing get results. If your child's using attention-grabbing words because she wants something, make sure that the ploy doesn't work. It isn't good enough to say, "That wasn't very nice language, but here's your ice cream cone anyway." And since 2-year-olds aren't sophisticated enough to think up this tactic on their own, you may need to do some serious thinking about whose example your child is following.
Teach respect. You're not doing your 2-year-old any favors by letting her think it's okay to hurl even baby-variety epithets at other kids. (Ask her how she'd feel if someone called her a "farthead," for instance.) Swear words and excessive bathroom talk won't be looked upon kindly at daycare or preschool, on the playground, at playmates' houses -- or at Grandpa's dinner table. Explain that these words hurt people's feelings, that it makes no difference if other kids are using the same language, and that name-calling simply isn't allowed. Your child is still working on learning empathy and probably won't remember to think of others, but she still needs to know that her actions have an affect on them.
Watch your own mouth. Sure, there are different rules for adults' and children's behavior, but if your 2-year-old hears you casually pepper your daily conversation with profanity, it'll be a lot harder to convince her not to talk that way herself. If she mimics something you said, admit that you shouldn't have said it either, then quickly distract her with a song or story -- and vow to clean up your act.
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Now I'm just laid bad - G35Princess
R.I.P. MBC
Vulgarity is the crutch of the inarticulate motherfucker.
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Everyone is finally equal. No one is smarter than anyone else. No one is stronger than anyone else. No one is better. Everyone is worse.
I might be required to give up my potty mouth if I meet the nice bebes of my new bf.
But that is later down the line... ...tonight is only DATE THREE and everyone knows that DATE THREE means FUCKING! Wow, this thread is kind of cool even if I am mad that it is in honor of little blowme who can't really back up her potty mouth but instead got scared away from cuming to my little Vegas orgy. She is mighty young to be so dirty <leering, drooling on the carpet> hehehehe isn't she though...
So anywho Kurt I did a naughty potty mouthed thing last Thursday...I refused to come over every frickin night that I was invited but instead firmly set one date per week and set today as date three and then flat out told the guy that we would be doing it on date three and sent emails about how we would be doing it the past five days and topped it all by showing up in my version of "hot pants" Saturday Night, stradling him and giving him one kiss as preview...basically he is so worked up by my potty mouth and wicked little honesty about how the entire world knows that date three is the big date...that I think he has been affected physiologically and could perhaps be on the verge of developing a stutter.
Dizz...now would be the honest time to relent and seek help for your ailments...
P.S. This place doesn't need to be a low brow piss hole in every thread...just this one! And see you all again next week...I decided that I would be giving up my car chat addiction for the first two weeks of the new year so I could read a couple of books instead.
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g35chick & Dizz.........you two potty mouths
...tonight is only DATE THREE and everyone knows that DATE THREE means FUCKING! Wow, this thread is kind of cool even if I am mad that it is in honor of little blowme who can't really back up her potty mouth but instead got scared away from cuming to my little Vegas orgy. She is mighty young to be so dirty <leering, drooling on the carpet> hehehehe isn't she though...
