i voted no, because we DO NOT know the full details of his situation, and i believe it is unfair for us to judge him when we dont even know half his story. i for one trust in hexx's decision making skills, why wont the rest of you?
Dude it ain't about Hex or his ex. It's about his soon to be daugher. Once you involve a child everything else is lower on the priority list. It doesn't really matter about all the details. It's his kid.
This is the reason I will never have a kid. I'm too selfish but at least I know that about myself.
oh yes, it's not about hexx or his ex. the baby concieved itself yes the uniting factor indeed is the child, but dont overlook the fact that there could be some trauma that we just dont know about. the man is handling the situation, believe me on that. he knows what he has to do, and WHEN THE TIME COMES, he will do it.
Lol gammawolf, don't hold your breath, so far from our vantage point it looks he's handled this shit... well, kinda like shit!.
And, this 'more to the story' thing... isn't there always?! But I don't care, because what I see is one buzz word used over and over and over again from Hexx himself. That word is "DIFFICULT", not impossible. And I say SO WHAT if it's difficult, even really REALLY R-E-A-L-L-Y difficult?! Welcome to the real world of grown-ups and parenting! In this world, when something is indeed the most important or right thing to do, you just gotta put on your invinciblity suit, adopt a 'nothing's impossible' attitude, and get on with it. No matter how difficult.
So if it is as important to him as he says, I can envision absolutely nothing -ANYTHING- that precludes or justifies taking no action in a situation like this. Sending someone to do his dirty work doesn't count. There has to be something he could be doing right now to further his cause right NOW, not "when the time comes". Gad Smoke+1, what the hell does that mean and when might that be anyway, hmm? So far you're "don't call her" strategy has worked out swimmingly. Don't you see, the optimum time may have already come and gone for poor Hexx! For weeks now he seems like an ostrich with his head frozen in the sand, hoping things will be better if he pulls out later (no pun intended).
So, sorry if you or Hexx found these comments insensitive or politically incorrect, but I simply fail to see how doing nothing helps him realize his goals in ANY instance. If anything, I suspect it's making a difficult situation more difficult. But if anyone anyone feels that a little verbal cold slap of reality is more f'ed up than walking away from parental responsibilities or watching Hexx's parental rights go down the drain, I would suggest it's time to reassess their own priorities or promise to use a condom next time. In spite of the tough love Hexx, I didn't vote either because I am an optimist at heart and still hold out hope something good will happen between now and b-day.
dholly-I didn't find your comments insensitive or politically incorrect and I didn't take offense to them at all. I appreciate your point of view and know that what you are saying, even though harsh, is something that I need to hear. Tough love I guess you can say. Trust me when I say that I will do right by my little girl. There is no way that I am going to ignore my responsibilities here. She means everything to me and this will get resolved. Just to clarify, I didn't send anyone to do my dirty work. I just wanted to get a feel for her frame of mind after months of not having spoken and unfortunately it hasn't changed much. But that doesn't matter anymore.
I appreciate everyone's comments and points of view on this matter. If I didn't want to hear it, I wouldn't have asked for everyone's opinions. Believe me I read every post and take in what everyone has to say. I don't discount anyone's post or opinion because it might be too harsh or not what I want to hear.
Hexx - we are certain you mean all of what you say from the bottom of your heart, and I don't doubt a word you say. But, at the same time, what appears to be a complete lack of meaningful action is both perplexing and frustrating to us. We don't even see a Plan 'A', let alone a Plan 'B', going on here.
Bottom line... when things can't be resolve between the two parties in a timely and civil fashion, it takes third party intervention most often from the legal system. Do you have -ANY- idea how long it takes even to get your file on the judge's desk... let alone opened, read and acted upon? Your child could be well ensconsed in her newly adopted family long before if you wait too long. Not only will you miss her birth, you may well miss ALL her birthdays. Be aware that the wheels of justice grind excrutiatingly slow when you want them to turn, but you will not be able to change that no matter how hard you try. You MUST plan ahead, and that is why I wrote this waaaay back in May...
Quote:
Under the law of most states, being the biological father of a child is not the same as being a legal father. If a couple is unmarried and the mother has not been married in the last 300 days, then no father will be listed on the birth certificate. A father who is not married to his child's mother has to establish paternity in order to become the child's legal father. He can do this either by signing and filing an Acknowledgment of Paternity Form (AOP) if the mother agrees, or going to court. The AOP is for unmarried fathers who voluntarily acknowledge paternity when the mother agrees. AOP forms are available free at the hospital or birthing center. The AOP is sent to the states Bureau of Vital statistics, is recorded, and the father listed becomes the legal father. When paternity is disputed by either party, legal fatherhood must be established in court, usually by ordering a genetic test.
For more information regarding being named a legal father, contact your state attorney generals office. State attorneys attorneys do not represent the father or the mother in court. Rather, they represent the State, which has an interest in seeing that every child has a legal father and the support of both parents. Also, while maybe not applicable here, interesting to know if the mother is married to someone other than the father of the baby or has not been divorced for over 300 days, her husband is presumed to be the father of the baby. The biological father can only be named the legal father if he fills out an AOP and the husband also signs a denial of paternity. If the husband does not sign the denial of paternity, then either biological parent would need to take action in court to establish true paternity. If there is a question on who the father is, then paternity testing should be done as soon as possible. After the AOP is signed, couples have 60 days to request a DNA paternity test to be done and ammend the AOP, or the father previouly listed on the AOP could be held legally responsible for the child even if he is not the biolological father.
Establishing paternity creates a legal relationship between an unmarried father and his child. The legal relationship ensures that children are eligible for child support from both parents, as well as benefits such as health insurance, Social Security and veteran's survivor benefits. In addition, if a father has not established paternity and obtained official custody, his child's mother could take the child away from him. Do not assume the birthfather’s rights in adoption are the same as the birthmother’s unless determined otherwise by a court system. During the time that no father is listed as legal father, the babies rights are not fully protected. Naming a legal father is vital in ensuring that the baby is eligible for benefits and for establishment of custody and visitation rights, etc., for the birthfather.
The sad reality is, you may never know why your 'ex' made the decisions she did. If you are indeed the birthfather, Modern America's 'no-fault' divorce laws and disparagement of Fatherhood will give you an easy way out if you wish. But remember, regardless of how contensious the relationship between you and the birthmother is or becomes, YOU must take the necessary steps to ensure certain rights for your child. IMHO, this is no longer about you and 'the ex'... it's all about your child now. And I would encourage you to seize with gusto the joys -as well as the labors- of responsibility no matter how hard the circumstances. Children desperately need and deserve the love, emotional support, and positive role model that active fathers provide. Being a father your child looks up to always is a wonderful legacy. Check the unmarried father's rights organizations in your state for resources. Best wishes.
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Might seem counter-productive to a happy reunion but, while you are waiting for the arrival and hoping for her to have a change of heart, it would be very wise to prepare for any legal action that may be initiated by you or HER. If she does not want you in her life, she WILL want your child support money at some point when she realizes she cannot provide financial support. Recognize that events can move very rapidly (days, even hours) and, unless you are completely prepared in advance, no matter how much you want that child in your life you will not be able to make it happen. Think ahead -WAY AHEAD- do not wait until the last minute.
Have you taken any meaningful actions at all since then that you can share with us to help calm [y]our fears? Or is your plan simply to wait until after her birth to see how it plays out? At this point, do you have any expectation at all of being present for her birth in, what is it, less than two weeks? It would be so very sad to miss out on that.
dHolly that is some great info that you dug up...I had no clue that the biological father would not be listed on the Birth Certificate without all that info...great job on getting [y]our point across...
Hexx...this new info is something that you need to look into ASAP...
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