As many of you know from some of my previous posts, I am awaiting the birth of my daughter in a little bit over a month now. Ever since my ex-girlfriend and I broke up, we have had little to no communication. As a matter of fact, the last time that I spoke with her was some time in July.
This is not the way that I wanted things to be. Even after we broke up, I told her that I wanted to be there for her and our daughter throughout her pregnancy and afterwards, of course. She was such a beotch to me the last time that we spoke that she pretty much left me no choice but to cut ties with her until the baby is born. I pretty much told her that I had it with the way she was treating me and not to call me until the baby was born.
I am really struggling with this situation because I really want to be there when my daughter is born. Of course, I was very hurt with the way things ended, but it is hurting me more not knowing where I stand and if I will even be able to see my daughter be born or when I will get to see her. Being as stubborn as I know my ex is, I know that she will not call me until I call her first. Because I told her not to call me until the baby is born, that's exactly what she is gonna do.
Because I really respect the opinions of many of my fellow 6MTers and consider many of you my friends, I am asking for your input on what you think I should do. This is still very hard for me to talk about because I am still very hurt over this whole situation. Most of all because I am missing the experience of the whole pregnancy and possibly the birth of my daughter.
Not knowing the whole situation (or her or you for that matter), it's hard to say. But I think you should talk to her before the baby is born and tell her almost exactly what you wrote (minus a few choice words )
The sooner you tell her the better because it may take a lot of talking to get to a point where you guys agree... but definitely talk to her.
I hope everything works out for you! If you need to talk, we're here for you
Bite the bullet and call her. Tell her exacltly what you spelled out here and that you would like to start anew due to your (this means hers and yours) daughter.
You need to swallow your pride, anger, resentment, whatever for the sake of your daughter. Do not allow one moment of frustration or anger in the form of a snide comment or angry reply to cause the rift between you two to grow more.
It's going to be very hard to do, but you need to weigh that with the future you might not have with your daughter.
Best of luck Hexx.
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Now I'm just laid bad - G35Princess
R.I.P. MBC
Remember the 3 C's Hexx. Do not criticize, condemn, or complain when you talk to her. Be positive. Let any snide comments slip off your back. Remember that your ultimate goal is to have a good relationship with your daughter. You never know, you might get to a point where the relationship with the ex also gets better.
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Now I'm just laid bad - G35Princess
R.I.P. MBC
At this point GZ, I just want to be able to see my kid. Anything else positive that happens would be gravy but I just want to be able to see my daughter w/o any problems.
hey you didnt' tell me about the baby... hell CALL HER. Trust me...you do not wanna miss out on the pregnancy part. Father and Daughter's relationship are so important... don't be stubborn ...in the end you'll regret it. and Girls are bitches during pregnancy anyways..it's just the harmones.
GP-I guess you weren't around when I talked about it a few months ago. I don't really talk about it very much because it still hurts. No matter what, I will be there for my daughter forever. It's just her mom that I am not so sure about. She decided to get down right vicious on me at the end and I just didn't want to deal with it. Now with my baby so close to being born . . . . . . I don't know. I'm just confused right now I guess.
I agree that your daughter is the most important thing right now. You should call and tell her how you feel. For your sake and the well being of your daughter you should try to get along for the next 18 years. From experience it's not easy when your parents aren't at least friendly toward each other. Good luck!
i know you and i have talked a little about our ex's...
a lot of time has passed -- you have a lot on the table (the baby)
i would attempt to call her with a clean slate. be very passive and say you would like to help her when the baby is close and that the baby means a lot to you and you would like to experience the birth (for everyone)
i think that would be a start. good luck.
(ps. i havent talked to my ex since March!--- but she's not pregnant)
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ggirl-Thanks for your help. Believe me, that's the way that I wanted it from the begining. I wanted to at least try to be friends or at least amicable. She on the other hand went out of her way to be a beotch to me. Like I said, at this point I just want to be able to see my daughter w/o any drama from her.
msb-Thanks homie. We have had some lengthy conversations about our ex's so I really value your opinion on this matter. I'm definitely gonna take the route that you and some others have suggested. I've been holding a grudge too because of the way that she hurt me but for my baby's sake I am gonna have to swallow my pride.
Well, people already said what I was going to say so I won't repeat it. I just hope that both of you will do what's best for the baby. It's going to be hard ecspecially when the mother is being a beotch, but you gotta remember she's preggo and all them hormones are making her psyco. Hopefully she'll see the light and will get over her beotchness and have you fully involved in ya's baby.
Thanks iron. I hope she gets over her beotchiness too. It was never that way until we split up. Then she just turned on me. I definitely intend on doing what is right for my little girl if my ex will let me.
Your ex needs to know (though without making her feel guity or pissed off) that you are BOTH parents of this child. She's as much your responsibility as she is hers. And she owes it to both you AND your daughter to keep you involved in her (your daughter's) life. It's great to hear that you want to be, and sad that your ex is preventing it. Try to let her know how much it means to you, even if it means having to nut it up and putting your differences aside. Your "fight" with her is completely secondary to your relationship with your daughter at this point.
And, also forget the "if she will let me" crap. You have rights here.
Need some advice from my friends.
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