Ironic yes but also very different. I am not having religion issues I (he) am/is having anger issues. I am not trying to push marriage by holding out sex. Our sex life isn't at all the issue! But I see the similarities.
I'll never understand holding out sex - that's punishing everyone!
All joking aside, if you are feeling a need to "punish" your partner by witholding something or the like - you don't need to be in a relationship. You are treating them like your child, not your partner.
I'll never understand holding out sex - that's punishing everyone!
All joking aside, if you are feeling a need to "punish" your partner by witholding something or the like - you don't need to be in a relationship. You are treating them like your child, not your partner.
I believe waiting is wrong because if you do not have sex with a person how will you know if they suck in bed? I f you don't know if they do what you want in bed you could risk being unsatisfied for the rest of your life.
I'll never understand holding out sex - that's punishing everyone!
All joking aside, if you are feeling a need to "punish" your partner by witholding something or the like - you don't need to be in a relationship. You are treating them like your child, not your partner.
I believe waiting is wrong because if you do not have sex with a person how will you know if they suck in bed? I f you don't know if they do what you want in bed you could risk being unsatisfied for the rest of your life.
I'll never understand holding out sex - that's punishing everyone!
All joking aside, if you are feeling a need to "punish" your partner by witholding something or the like - you don't need to be in a relationship. You are treating them like your child, not your partner.
I believe waiting is wrong because if you do not have sex with a person how will you know if they suck in bed? I f you don't know if they do what you want in bed you could risk being unsatisfied for the rest of your life.
Well there is definitely that too Granted I won't open that can of worms here - seems too narcissist
I'll never understand holding out sex - that's punishing everyone!
All joking aside, if you are feeling a need to "punish" your partner by witholding something or the like - you don't need to be in a relationship. You are treating them like your child, not your partner.
Witholding affection is a form of abuse. Yep, that is what I think.
The timing and a couple of things seemed similiar. That other thread was really sad but didn't remind me of ggirl cuz ggirl is getting support and making a patient and caring decision for them both. I only read the original post of that last thread because of insanity at work. I am sure it is just projection on my part but I imagined someone who couldn't face the consequences of a break up so waited for an opportunity where her man told her something she didn't want to hear and then said, "your fault" and probably ran headlong to the other guy she had on the side. Yes, I do hate weaklings. That is a flaw of mine.
I was engaged once. Bought ten years ago when I was deep in my drug addiction. I dated him and then like a month later I came home and found he moved in all his stuff. It freaked me out but I was like...ok. One day he told me he wanted to be a woman. I was like huh? But I tried to understand. The he started having rageful fits where he would threaten to chop it off or would jump on his bike and ride in front of traffic, just horribly violent fits of rage. I told him to go get some counseling about his rage which I assumed had to do with being in a sexual identity crisis half his life. I knew it was over when he was deep in a rage and picked me up (87 lb vegetarian at that point) and tossed me down onto a concrete cinder block. I was in complete shock that it happened but well that can only happen once in my book. I didn't know how to get rid of him. I was also a drug addict and not thinking clearly. My ex was in town the next week or so and one day when I was home trying to figure it out he came over and took me out of town told me he loved me and we had sex. I came home and told my guy it was over and after a pretty hard time he moved out and was quite naturally devestated by what he had destroyed through his anger.
I got together with him later to settle some details and he was berating himself and asking me to come back. I said it isn't entirely your fault that we are through, I slept with my ex and I was always in love with him. I am not telling you this to hurt you or to assuage a guilty conscious because I don't feel guilty. I simply have no reason to make you think that you were the lone failure in this relationship. Regardless you do need to get help for your anger. He promptly took his little car up to about ninety and said he would kill us both. I said OK man but still I didn't want you to take all the blame in your mind when I was clearly not healthy either. Now slow down and take me home and go get yourself counseling.
So I do think that it isn't always safe to tell the truth. Not everyone needs to face down their potential abuser. I just had the strength and did it.
Sorry a couple of days late ggirl...but I wanted to lend some experience as I recall it doesn't feel very good to be with someone who has a way of making you feel small or potentially unsafe with their love.
I'll never understand holding out sex - that's punishing everyone!
All joking aside, if you are feeling a need to "punish" your partner by witholding something or the like - you don't need to be in a relationship. You are treating them like your child, not your partner.
I believe waiting is wrong because if you do not have sex with a person how will you know if they suck in bed? If you don't know if they do what you want in bed you could risk being unsatisfied for the rest of your life.
Witholding affection to 'punish' is a very bad thing. However, basing your relationships or a life long commitment of marriage solely upon sexual gratification is extermely shortsighted and almost guaranteed to doom any relationship. Healthy relationships NEED so much more. Please, I don't mean any personal attack but, really, if you go back to that Emotional Needs Questionaaire, can you honestly say that the #1 priority or personal trait you are looking for in a life partner is related to "they suck in bed"?! Do you really think you are going to spend every waking moment with that individual in some kind of endless sexual act or something? Good lord, sex is important, but pales in comparison to the rest of the time you must spend with your spouse. You DO expect you and your spouse to be there forever and be faithfully monagamous, don't you?
If yes, you must understand true LOVE is soooo much more than sex. In many ways sex is only one very small part of a happy, loving relationship, and true love is about everything ELSE. True love is working together to constantly improve on every facet of your relationship, including your sex life. Gad, find a guy that meets all your other important needs and TEACH him what you like about sex! You will both be better off for it! I guaranty he will take to that training a lot faster than the 'you gotta come straight home every night after work by 6pm and don't even THINK about going out with your buddies' training. That isn't going to work and you know it.
After 20 years of marriage I have a perspective from the other side of the fence called hands on experience. It is much easier to maintain a relationship when all the other aspects of your emotional needs are being fullfulled, than if none other than sex are. Infidelity starts most often when one spouse's emotional - not sexual - needs are not being met. Makes sense too, think about it; the time you spend together not related to actual sexual pleasure is, BY FAR the majority of lifetime spent together, more important than the few times each week in bed. Ha! you say, but sex is REALLY important to me, we hump like bunnies 10 times a day. Good for you, what about at 40, 50, or 80 y.o.? Don't you think that at some time the rest of the emotional needs will begin to take precedent? Where are you going to be at 65 y.o. when both you and 'studley' don't give sex the priority you might give it today? Looking for someone to support you emotionally and unconditionally, i.e., looking for LOVE?!
Sorry ggirl, I don't mean to sound judgemental, but I think you need to stop and ponder the rest of your life with a more realistic and mature attitude before you end up unhappy. You are young enough, give it a little more time to find your Prince Charming! This one doesn't pass the smell test, you can do better IMHO and the time would do you good. What's the rush?
I'll never understand holding out sex - that's punishing everyone!
All joking aside, if you are feeling a need to "punish" your partner by witholding something or the like - you don't need to be in a relationship. You are treating them like your child, not your partner.
Witholding affection is a form of abuse. Yep, that is what I think.
The timing and a couple of things seemed similiar. That other thread was really sad but didn't remind me of ggirl cuz ggirl is getting support and making a patient and caring decision for them both. I only read the original post of that last thread because of insanity at work. I am sure it is just projection on my part but I imagined someone who couldn't face the consequences of a break up so waited for an opportunity where her man told her something she didn't want to hear and then said, "your fault" and probably ran headlong to the other guy she had on the side. Yes, I do hate weaklings. That is a flaw of mine.
I was engaged once. Bought ten years ago when I was deep in my drug addiction. I dated him and then like a month later I came home and found he moved in all his stuff. It freaked me out but I was like...ok. One day he told me he wanted to be a woman. I was like huh? But I tried to understand. The he started having rageful fits where he would threaten to chop it off or would jump on his bike and ride in front of traffic, just horribly violent fits of rage. I told him to go get some counseling about his rage which I assumed had to do with being in a sexual identity crisis half his life. I knew it was over when he was deep in a rage and picked me up (87 lb vegetarian at that point) and tossed me down onto a concrete cinder block. I was in complete shock that it happened but well that can only happen once in my book. I didn't know how to get rid of him. I was also a drug addict and not thinking clearly. My ex was in town the next week or so and one day when I was home trying to figure it out he came over and took me out of town told me he loved me and we had sex. I came home and told my guy it was over and after a pretty hard time he moved out and was quite naturally devestated by what he had destroyed through his anger.
I got together with him later to settle some details and he was berating himself and asking me to come back. I said it isn't entirely your fault that we are through, I slept with my ex and I was always in love with him. I am not telling you this to hurt you or to assuage a guilty conscious because I don't feel guilty. I simply have no reason to make you think that you were the lone failure in this relationship. Regardless you do need to get help for your anger. He promptly took his little car up to about ninety and said he would kill us both. I said OK man but still I didn't want you to take all the blame in your mind when I was clearly not healthy either. Now slow down and take me home and go get yourself counseling.
So I do think that it isn't always safe to tell the truth. Not everyone needs to face down their potential abuser. I just had the strength and did it.
Sorry a couple of days late ggirl...but I wanted to lend some experience as I recall it doesn't feel very good to be with someone who has a way of making you feel small or potentially unsafe with their love.
WOW.
that is quite a story. i couldn't imagine him saying he wanted to be a woman and that he wanted to cut "it" off.
did that come out of nowwhere? i would have fainted.
that is quite the story tho....
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I'll never understand holding out sex - that's punishing everyone!
All joking aside, if you are feeling a need to "punish" your partner by witholding something or the like - you don't need to be in a relationship. You are treating them like your child, not your partner.
I believe waiting is wrong because if you do not have sex with a person how will you know if they suck in bed? If you don't know if they do what you want in bed you could risk being unsatisfied for the rest of your life.
You DO expect you and your spouse to be there forever and be faithfully monagamous, don't you? Yes I do!
Sorry ggirl, I don't mean to sound judgemental, but I think you need to stop and ponder the rest of your life with a more realistic and mature attitude before you end up unhappy. You are young enough, give it a little more time to find your Prince Charming! This one doesn't pass the smell test, you can do better IMHO and the time would do you good. What's the rush?
No rush!(we haven't even set a date yet.) and I don't think that sex is the most imprtant thing. Not to me I do want a good sex life true! I am not going to base my entire decision on sex though. But I want someone I can spend the rest of my life without having to stay at home because he has fits when we go out. I want him to realize I am not, have not and will not cheat. I do not want to end up divorced because his violence turns on me not others.
LC I appreciate your post. I am trying to be rational and make an informed decision. I wanted input from people outside the situation to help me put it all perspective. It sucks that it happened to you. I do want to try to make it work I want him to get anger management counceling but he always says oh I don't have anger problems they deserved it. Fortunately he has never put a finger on me in a bad way. I really appreciate you giving me your time. Luckily yes I have a great system of support from family and friends.
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But I see the similarities.
Granted I won't open that can of worms here - seems too narcissist
