Actually, I'm on assignment working with Chris Hansen of Dateline NBC. Were responding to several complaints of wanton perversion, lewd lascivious behavior, and other forms of unspeakable debouchery reportedly involving various members of this board. Currently we're investigating a pirate, two ethnic food dishes, and some joker who seems to fashion his screenname to his net worth, currently around $750. We have reason to believe another member, who goes by 14[insert anything offensive], may also be involved. Your cooperation in our investigation may persuade the courts to be lenient in your favor. That is all for now, but remember, we will be watching you.
